Cast Away Your Faith And Follow Me
by Dead Man's Toe
Summary: The moment he had entered her life, he destroyed everything she knew while saving her at the same time.


**Disclaimer: **I do not own Doctor Who.

**A/N: **Trigger warnings for suicidal thoughts.

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><p><strong><em>Cast Away Your Faith And Follow Me<em>**

Melody Pond was crying again.

She cried every night. As soon as the silence settled in and the room was pitch black and she was alone, she pulled the blankets over her tiny body and buried her face into the pillows and sobbed. Her entire form shook with the force of her despair as each sob ripped its way out of her throat. Her inhuman cries were muffled against the pillow. Madame Kovarian could never hear.

The first time Kovarian had stuffed Melody into the astronaut suit had been the only time Melody had cried in front of her. She came out of the suit shaking and screaming in sheer terror as tears freely streamed down her young face. What happened afterwords is gone from her memory, but she remembers waking up the next morning feeling as if she had been struck by lightning.

After that, Melody learned that she had to push all of the hurt into the furthest reaches of her mind. Kovarian couldn't see her weakness ever again if Melody was to survive. Hide the damage became her motto. So when Kovarian forced her into the suit again, Melody let no emotion show.

Here in the dark, it was different. Now that she was alone, it was safe to cry. She couldn't stop herself, even if she wanted to. Her sobbing tore through her and drained her body of all energy until she finally fell asleep.

The next night, she would repeat that hellish experience.

As she grew, Melody knew that she had no choice but to kill this Doctor. Her life depended on it. Besides, she would be doing the universe a favor. This man was dangerous. One day, he was going to tear the universe apart inch by inch by answering the question that must never be answered, unless she stopped him.

Even though she hated Kovarian, Melody was relying on her to make her strong enough to kill him. After all, every child needs to have faith in something.

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><p>It was just an ordinary night for Mels Zucker.<p>

She was trying to drink herself into oblivion, just as she did every night. The beer burned her throat and stomach, but it just felt _so good_. The more she drank, the more she could feel Kovarian's hold on her slipping.

Every day, Mels was constantly watching her back, waiting for Kovarian to find her. It seemed too obvious, hiding with her parents. Kovarian should have found her on the first day. Mels suspected that the woman of her nightmares had found her, and that she was always watching her. It was an unpleasant thought that always made her shudder.

Even thinking of Kovarian caused a pain in her stomach as ice-cold fear consumed her being. During the day, she could visit Amy and Rory and let her (unknowing) parents comfort her, but at night, she was always alone.

So Mels did the only thing she could. She drank until she passed out. Maybe one day, she would finally drink herself to death. She knew that the idea should scare her, but it didn't. Mels did not fear death. It made her feel calm.

Mels had come close to ending it before. She had stared down at an open bottle of pills and willed herself to take them. It would be painless, and then there would be no more pain at all. The only thing that stopped her was the Doctor. Somebody still had to kill him. Mels didn't know why it had to be her, but even after all this time, she still believed everything Kovarian had told her.

Most days, Mels couldn't remember the details of her hellish childhood at all. Whatever had happened to her had really done a number on her mind. However, one thought still remained as a constant. She had to kill the Doctor.

Mels had lost a lot. She lost her innocence, her memories, and most of her childhood, but she would not lose her faith.

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><p>The only thing River Song knew was that she didn't know anything anymore.<p>

The man she had been waiting to kill for her whole short life had stood in front of her, but it wasn't like she had expected at all. He wasn't dangerous at all. He was kind and brave and exactly the kind of hero she had been holding out for.

Now, she never spent a night alone. This man- this impossible man- had promised her that much while she was in prison. Now, with him curled up around her, River savored the warmth that was building in her chest.

Her entire youth had been a lie, but somehow, River found that she didn't mind. This man had torn away every shred of her faith, but she clung to him like she had never clung to anyone before.

Every demon that River used to hold tight had been ripped right out of her arms by this man. It didn't take a huge feat of strength to make the only world she had ever known collapse. All it took was a gentle act of love, and River's old life was in ruins at her feet.

When the Doctor grabbed her hand and ran straight into danger, River followed. She followed because he had become her new faith. Even though he had pulled the foundation right out from under her feet, he gave her a different kind of stability. Her faith in him wasn't based on fear as had been the case with Kovarian. No, what she felt towards the Doctor was much stronger. She loved him.

River now looked forward to night instead of dreading the incoming dark. Night meant the Doctor would hold her and tell her that he loved her. Night gave her hope, something she had never had before meeting the Doctor.

Of course the Doctor hadn't been able to fix River with a kiss, but she was well on her way to being happy. After everything she had been through, she had faith that this was right.


End file.
